Adoring Daughter

This picture is horribly off-center, shows our striking 1980's couch, and your sweet glasses, but it also shows how much I just adored you, Dad.  I could look at this picture all day long because it makes me smile.  I adored you growing up and this picture shows that in such an obvious way.

If this picture were taken today, you would see me looking at you in the same way.  I adored you then, and I adore you now. 

Keep fighting, Dad.  Love you.

What Cancer Cannot Do

I found this quote today and I wanted to share it with you, Dad;

 "Cancer is so limited. . . It cannot cripple Love.  It cannot shatter Hope.  It cannot corrode Faith.  It cannot destroy Peace.  It cannot kill Friendship.  It cannot suppress Memories.  It cannot silence Courage.  It cannot invade the Soul.  It cannot steal eternal Life.  It cannot conquer the Spirit."

I love you, Dad.  Keep fighting

You...

I do not like seeing you itchy and cold all the time.  Keep fighting.  I love you.

That is all....

Drinking Pop, Peanut Butter and Mayo

Dad, take a look at these pictures:

Where do you think I'm going with this post?  If you said, "Peanut butter and mayonnaise sandwiches and pop as a bribe to make two little kids take naps,"  you are correct! 

I think it's funny that some of my favorite memories of growing up are when you were home with us on the weekends and Mom was working at the hospital, because Paul and I always got peanut butter and mayonnaise sandwiches and pop if we took a nap.  This was such a treat to the two little munchkins who you fathered.  I have vivid memories of walking down the stairs after naps and you making us this delicious treat.  The memories were so strong growing up that I just assumed that Mom must have worked every weekend because that's all I can remember.  Being home with Dad, eating those sandwiches and drinking pop.  I just don't remember Mom home much on the weekends (no offense, Mom) because this was such a big deal for me.  It's funny though, isn't it, that evidently Mom didn't work every weekend, she actually worked very little, but this treat of yours made such a big impact  on me that it pretty much beats out every other memory from weekends at home when I was very small. 

Who would have thought that peanut butter and mayonnaise sandwiches and a bottle of pop, which really was just a bribe on your end to get yourself some peace and quiet for a few hours, would turn into one of the best memories of my early childhood?   As I write this, I'm currently in the process of bribing Brady into taking a nap because he's home sick from school.  Only this time I'm using ice cream and not your secret peanut butter and mayonnaise and pop bribe, that bribe's one I'd like to keep as our little thing.

Love you, Dad.

When We Became A Family

Do you remember this picture?

I like to think that it's the first one that was taken after our family became complete.  You know, when you added me to it and finally realized what your life had been missing all along; a daughter! (and I'm not going to brag or anything, but man was I a cute baby or what?) 

What I love so much about this picture is your great big smile.  I kid, I kid.  Seriously, what I love about this picture is it documents the start of my life, my life with an older brother who would one day end up being one of my best friends.  My life with a mom who showed me through her strength, that living with a chronic illness doesn't mean your life has to be boring.  My life with you as my dad, the no nonsense man who would never mince words and who I adored as I grew older. 

This picture?  Means the world to me because from this picture on, we built wonderful memories as a family.  Pancreatic cancer will never take those away. 

Love you, Dad.

My Memory Today and Your Stent Procedure

Dear Dad,

Do you remember the day I was born?  What were you thinking when you saw me for the first time, your little girl with coal black hair just like your own?  Did you think at that moment what life had in store for you now that you were the father to two, but also a father to a daughter?  Did I immediately start being a daddy's girl or did it take me awhile to wrap you around my finger?  Did you know in the moment that I was born that you would have the unconditional love and respect from this little creature for the rest of your life?  What do you remember about that day?

Today, Dad, they will put in a stent to help relieve the jaundice you are experiencing from the cancer.  I told you that you were going to lose your golden glow you've developed recently and we laughed.  I want you to know this, with this first blog post, I will be writing often to share my memories of you.  Today as you prepare for your surgery, know that I love you, that I am so, so proud of you and that I will be with you every step of the way.  This blog is to honor you.  I hope it shows the love I have for you.  Pancreatic cancer could not suck more, but you are a fighter and I truly believe if anyone can beat this, it's you.

Love,
Kaye